Not sure anyone will really read this but....I've been contemplating starting a blog to document this whole process for a while but things were going great (all things considered) and thought after my first treatment completed I would be moving on from this reality. Boy was I wrong. Writing has always been my outlet, a way for me to process my emotions and dump the thoughts onto paper and get them out of my head to avoid the invasive thoughts. So I figured, here goes nothing...
For a little background- I found a few lumps in my left breast back in November/December 2023, I had recently stopped breastfeeding my daughter and one of them felt like a duct so I just sat on it for a bit. If you haven't heard, healthcare providers are the WORST patients. A few months go by and they weren't getting smaller, in fact one was slightly bigger. In February I went to my GYN and she ordered a mammogram which ultimately found MANY calcifications and masses and in March I received a biopsy that confirmed stage 2A invasive ductal carcinoma. I received my port and was started on TCHP chemo which was every 3 weeks for 6 doses. I tolerated the chemo pretty well- besides the small little hiccup of a chemo reaction during my first infusion. 6 months later I was able to ring the bell and my MRI showed significant chemo response 🙌 hallelujah. The next step was scheduling surgery. Ultimately I had a terrible experience with my first surgeon who clearly mixed me up with a different patient and refused to recognize that she had the wrong information (KEY MESSAGE HERE: BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE, DO NOT SETTLE IF THINGS DON'T FEEL RIGHT). So I found another great surgical oncologist and plastic surgeon and received a double mastectomy with placement of expanders (my choice) on August 21st. Things from the surgery perspective went well, the surgeon told me she was very concerned about how the lymph nodes appeared and felt in the OR but luckily the path was negative. However the path did end up showing a small amount of residual invasive disease. This was a huge gut punch, NOT at all what I was expecting. So I had a mini breakdown when they recommended me proceed with more IV chemo, this time every 3 weeks but for 14 total doses (~11 months duration). But fine, I accepted the reality and obviously need to do it so that I don't regret something years down the line. I need to be here for my kids.
In the mean time I have been going in weekly to get my expanders filled. On Tuesday she noticed I developed a seroma which was odd being 5 weeks out, she drained 150mL and although it looked clear she sent it for culture since it was a change and I had chills the night before. I received my first chemo on Wednesday which went well (THANK GOODNESS) and then I receive a call Thursday letting me know the culture came back with staph epi and she was putting me on abx. This is a normal skin bug....for normal immune systems. Which of course mine is not. Not to mention this bug LOVES medical devices and clings to it creating a film on it. Which means I likely will need a washout and removal of the device to be able to let the infection clear....meaning another surgery, and another recovery. 😐😖 I go to see the plastic surgeon tomorrow and it will be the first time meeting with him since the OR, so I will hear what the plan is officially then. But my incision is red and warm to touch and I've had low grade fever and chills every evening, so I know what the recommendation will be. And while obviously it's what's needed it still SUCKS to accept this yet another hurdle on this journey. In general I have really had a positive attitude through this whole journey (I know right? If you knew me well before, you know I was Queen of Negativity). But I'm not going to lie, this new hiccup is very frustrating and disappointing. All of the post op pain and struggles for the last 6 weeks, not being able to pick up or carry my kids, for me to do it all over again. I know I am lucky to have tolerated my treatment so far and things of course could alwayssss be worse. I have heard people say in the past (and in reference to my case) that "it's just breast cancer" theres tons of research and better treatments so at least it isn't a worse type of cancer. PLEASE for the love of all things holy....do not discount someone's cancer experience. No matter what cancer you have it sucks, it puts your life on hold, you rely on others to help you, the physical/emotional/psychological effects can be major, and it is something I will worry about every single day of my life.
There is NOTHING easy about losing your hair, being on estrogen suppressants and medically induced menopause at 36, the daily hot flashes and joint/bone pain, the shots, the pills, the muscle loss, the loss of your femininity and sexuality. Whether you receive(d) IV chemo or PO chemo...it's still chemo which is quite literally a toxin that impacts every single organ and system in your body, whether you had to have surgery or radiation or not, your journey is YOURS and don't let anyone take that away from you. None of us asked for this journey, but it's what was handed to us so we face it and do our best to be bold, be resilient and to fight for our lives so that we can be around for the ones we love.
Okay this is long enough for now, if you're even still reading thank you for making it this far 👏😂. Over the next few days I plan to sort of back track to the beginning of this journey and the feelings/emotions that I experienced then just to bring it up to where we are now. And of course will post an update on the official plan.
Thanks for reading Bold Resilience, I'm so happy you're here.
